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Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Dear Fellow Mama,

Dear Fellow Mama, 
  I was stopped at the sign in the Panda Express driveway.  Dome light on, spearing a piece of Orange Chicken on a plastic fork for my cranky toddler.  It'd been a long week.  Both my toddlers were croupy.  I hadn't slept in days.  And for some unknown reason my body swapped menstrual cramps for panic attacks.  I am not a fan, I'd had two that day, which is the reason for Panda Express.
  You drove up behind me.  I did not notice.  You did not honk.  You did not flash your brights.  You simply drove around, no obscene gestures, just drove around my car and continued on your way.
  Thank you.  Thank you for noticing it was a dome light not a phone that lit the car, and inferring that I was tending to a child, and just moving along.  I noticed your own toddler in the back seat as you drove under a street light. 
A honk would have reignited the tears.  Flashed lights would have flustered me.  Obscene hand gestures would have caused anger.
So Thank you, for being an understanding Mama.

Sincerely,
  The (worn out) Mean Mama

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Buzzword: Leggings!


This is me, jumping on the bandwagon*

I teach my boys to respect their body, 
I teach my boys to respect women.

I teach my girls to respect their body, 
I teach my girls to respect good men.

Yes I am a hypocrite.  My boys must respect women.  My girls must only respect GOOD men.

Veronica is married to a GOOD man, she respects him.  She respects herself. She respects God.

I am Team Veronica, well done Sweetheart!  Stand by your man, Stand by your convictions.

*but only partly, I wrote this before I read this.  But I am, because the reaction of Christian women is a huge disappointment.  Since when is supporting your husband a bad thing?  Is making a small sacrifice for your husband really that difficult? Are we so shallow that we can get all annoyed because a woman has chosen to eliminate an article of clothing from her wardrobe?  Shouldn't we all just be grateful we have the choice to do so?  Not just the freedom to choose how we dress but also the luxury of having a closet full of clothes?

A man's physical response to the body of the gender he is sexually attracted to is a chemical issue.  His actions are not, society expects a man to control his actions.  We aren't talking about actions, we are talking about the chemical reaction.  Sexy butt or perky boobs in tight fitting clothing trigger a chemical response in heterosexual men (and from what I've heard even gay men like boobs!). This is what Veronica and her husband are talking about. 

Depression is also a chemical issue.  It predominately affects women.  If a wife, who struggled from depression, sought help and strength from her husband, we would expect him to give that love, help, and support.  If a husband told  his wife it wasn't his problem, that she should learn to control that weakness in her life, we'd all scream and yell about what an insensitive pig that man was.

This is the same thing.  Two chemical issues.  Two weaknesses.  The man is expected to support his wife, but he is not allowed to ask his wife to support him in his weakness, even admitting to the weakness makes him a pervert.

Why the double standard?

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Dressing Modestly so as not to tempt Teenage Boys...

Dear Girls,

Your body is a temple, it is also a major distraction and temptation to every heterosexual male within 10 years of your age group.  We don't want our dress or actions to drive them into a life of pornography or premarital sex (gasp). You should...

*Dress modestly,
*Keep your boobs covered,
*Wear padded bras so you don't nip out and allow them to see things they shouldn't,
*Never wear a cross strap bag or purse as the strap holds your shirt tight to your chest,
*Don't wear tight clothes or revealing hemlines,
*Never act in a way that would cause them to become sexually excited.
and the list goes on.

These are all tidbits of advice I received as a teenage girl.  A bit misguided.

For a while I agreed with the camp who preached girls may dress as they please, society should teach horny boys to control themselves.  Their thoughts, words, and actions are their own responsibility and the consequences of the actions are their consequences.

But then I realized something else.
Yes, men should be held responsible for their thoughts, words, and actions.  Girls are NOT guilty if a guy is horny.  They can't control him or his thoughts.

BUT she can recognize that there are creepy jerks (those are my nice words) out there who refuse to care about the damage their actions may cause.  Men are stupid, especially when they are thinking with their southern hemisphere.

I teach my girls to dress modestly, to keep their (future) tata's and ho-has covered.  Well covered.  But I don't teach them to do this so as not to tempt the opposite gender, but to protect themselves.  because I am not oblivious to the sexual dangers of this world.

My daughters are NOT responsible for a young man's lustful thoughts or actions.  But  they are responsible for making choices that are more likely to lead to a safe outcome.  My safety is MY responsibility.  I don't trust horny boys to properly read a situation.  I know girls who have made poor choices, choices that did not include having sex, but a stupid boy assumed that's what her choices meant. These girls readily admit that the damaging situation could have been avoided had they made better choices in PROTECTING themselves, in putting themselves in safe situations.

By teaching my daughters to choose safety, (including modesty and personal defense techniques), I am EMPOWERING them, teaching them that they do have control over their safety.  My goal is for my daughters to learn that they, and they alone are ultimately in CONTROL of their life and their body.

Cheers,
  The Mean Mama