How am I suppose to Know? May I ask?

I admit it,  I judge people, I do, I judge if they are kind and moral.
I also judge the parents of children with a perpetual case of lice.  I will also help you nit pick.

Things I don't judge?  

Your color, socioeconomic status, job, marital status, gender identification,

 religion, or sexual orientation.

This post will address a question I have of the LGBT Community,

How am I suppose to know?

 It is an honest question coming from a boring white girl from small town America.  I have similar questions for other communities.  I am simply trying to learn.  But because topics are so hot and political I don't know who to ask.
 I can't ask my brother in law because HE is still living the 'don't ask, don't tell' option with us.
 I can't ask my older cousin as his heart is so tender I could never risk hurting it by my ignorance.
 I won't ask my younger cousin because he crude and offensive, I want a sincere conversation of mutual respect and learning.  (I stopped trusting his opinion on life when he posted pictures of CuntCakes with the caption LOL.)

Now this same cousin is demanding that people address them with gender neutral pronouns as gender specific pronouns offend them.  That's right people, cuntcakes are okay, but using the term 'he' in reference to a male who may or may not identify as male is offensive.   But I digress, this post is about me learning appropriate respectful terms.

There are physical males/females who identify with the male gender.
There are physical males/females who identify with the female gender.
There are physical males/females who identify with neither gender.

To further complicate things, any of these physical males/females may find themselves:
attracted to their same physical gender and identify as gay or straight
or the opposite physical gender and identify as straight or gay,
or transgender and identify as...?

I am confused!  I don't even know if the above information is correct.  It's been gleaned in snatches and compiled in effort to gain some resemblance of understanding.

There are those in the LGBT community that prefer the 'they, them, their' pronouns, while others prefer the 'Ze' pronoun.  I personally think 'Te' or the Old English 'Thee' make excellent options.

If I use the wrong pronoun I am offensive, but I can't ask because that is rude.  So I ask again...

HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO KNOW?

and furthermore, since I don't know, is there an appropriate way that

 I may ask you for your specific preference?

The LGBT Community is more accepted now than ever before.  Hundreds of years of fighting, they have moved from hidden/non existent, to being killed, to being offended because the general population doesn't use their preferred pronoun.  

I am curious as to why members of this community, a community that is successfully redefining gender, are so worried about fitting into existing vernacular.  Texting and social media invent new words weekly, why don't they? 

Instead of my cousin throwing a temper tantrum

(my cousin's post was basically the 27 yo version of yelling "It's not Fair" because he got the wrong color of lollipop)

They should invest that energy and creativity into creating their own gender neutral jargon and vernacular. 

 Once that is established please publish the results so the rest of us can learn and respect thy culture.  You are a powerful and creative generation. 

Knowledge is Power.

Please use your Power to spread Knowledge.

And one more thing. 

 Please remember that most of us on the 'outside' don't want to offend,

 we simply have never been taught.

This story came to mind as I was typing this.

Two cultures, with gross preconceived notions and judgements, that become a family.