Friday, January 24, 2014

Never been better

I have been contemplating this entry in my mind for a few weeks now.  I am frequently asked how my parents are doing.  They are well known in our religious community and many people were shocked by the collapse of their marriage.  Most ask out of sincere concern, others just want the juicy gossip, of which there is little.
The ones that want the gossip have yet to learn the more you know the more you can be hurt.

For a long time I'd respond, "My dad is doing good, My mom is doing okay." blah blah blah depending on the audience.

Now I can honestly say, "My dad is doing his stupid man thing, My mom is doing better, BUT
my mom and I have NEVER BEEN BETTER!!"

I wrote how our relationship was almost destroyed when my parents separated.  It was an emotional, hormonal, confusing, and painful time for us each as individuals, so when you put us together it was explosive.

And when I say never, I really mean never.  I am the misfit of my mom and sisters.  They all have so many hobbies in common and I am at a total loss.  Take, for example, design, they can put colors, patterns, textures together and I am all about color blocking.  White t shirt, solid color skirt or jeans.  It's not just fashion, my family built houses, so this was a major advantage when selecting paints, fixtures, floorings.  When we built our home I would smile and nod and ask the salesperson to order whatever my mom used in the last home she designed.  They would all be lost in this world of beauty and I would just stand there wondering when someone was going to make me good food.

My mom has a new job now, one that does not require any design skills.  Therefore it is out of her focus and she has fallen back on her one true love.  Caring for children.  As the mother of half of her grandchildren I have become the main beneficiary of her new hobby.  I LOVE IT!

I am now one of those girls who shows up to events with her mom in tow.  She holds #4's hand and I pack #5 and we sit together and watch the older kids at their assembly, game, etc.  

When I have to use the restroom in a public place she watches my kids and I get to PEE ALONE!!  #bejealous

We sit and talk for hours, about deep and important topics.  She shares so much of herself with me and I am finally able to understand her choice.  And I find no fault.  

At church she sits with us and entertains the kids with her bag of magic.  She is like Mary Poppins (but with a prettier face, cuter clothes, and a worse set of vocals)!!  The kids in the pew in front of us turn around when she starts passing out gum.
The kids all run to the door when they hear her voice.  Even the baby crawls and reaches for her.  They adore her.

#2 got super sick at school, Hubby and  I were 45 miles away, I called her and she was at the school within minutes taking care of her.

When she has a day or two off work she'll make us dinner just because she loves me.

I get phone calls from my brother asking why mom isn't picking up the phone.  He needs help with his homework, he needs her.  I tell him her phone is in her car but she is here.  I smile as they laugh over mispronouncing his Spanish vocab.

When I was sick she came and picked up #4 and they hung out all day.  #5 and I slept and nursed and slept some more.

Sometimes I feel a bit guilty.  That I get all this attention, love, and support from my mom.  I mean I have 5 siblings.  But I live a mile down the road and with 5 kids and my hubby's crazy schedule she knows I need the help.  
And then I remember how lovely it is to laugh with my mom over dinner that we made together and the guilt subsides into gratitude.

One night I texted her, "I love you, sleep well"
and she responded, "I love you more"
and she was right, I know this because I too am a mom and the love a mother has for her child is unique and strong, and I am so grateful to realize she was right.

So to my own Mama,
  Thank you.  I love you.  I am so proud of you.

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