Monday, August 18, 2014


I admit, I have not closely followed the crisis in Ferguson.  What I know is gleaned from headlines and social media posts. 
As the wife of a cop I can't.  If I read all the details my bubble of denial would burst and I would be unable to function.  I know these things happen.  Cops kill and get killed all the time.  I tell myself they will never happen to us, because I still have to put a smile on my face and raise a cop's five children.
Cops receive training, to see the world in a different light.  They are jaded, they see the worst in everyone, because they rarely see the good.  They are put in situations where they can either be killed or put on trial for murder, and they certainly don't get paid well enough for those type of risks.

Maybe Darren Wilson perceived something the autopsy can not reveal, maybe his view revealed what witnesses could not see, maybe his training caused him to react in a way he would later regret.  Maybe he is a racist ass.  We don't know.

I do not think riots are the answer.  Nor is looting or tear gas or allowing this whole mess to become a police state where additional victims are created. 

I will wait for the outside agency to conduct their investigation and trust their conclusions,

Because I know how intense such investigations are in our area, and I hope they are as tough in Ferguson.  
Because I know how many times my husband's life has been in actual peril and I see & feel the toll it takes on his life and our family.
Because I know cops that have made a righteous kill and seen them struggle to forgive themselves for ending a life, even though the alternative was the end of their own.
Because one of these cops that made that difficult life ending shot was originally my husbands call, but it was end of shift, so command reassigned the call to the guy on night shift.
and should things have gone differently, I for one, would be grateful if others gave my husband the benefit of the doubt.


  1. I really appreciate your post. My husband graduated back in May with his Criminal Justice degree and is planning on a career in law enforcement. The Ferguson stuff has me so bothered, as a future wife of a police officer, your post made me realize what our future may hold for us.

  2. I mostly use this blog as a means to get my thoughts out of my head and am so glad when my random thoughts help another feel slightly less alone. It's not an easy job or an easy lifestyle, but it's my husbands 3rd career and the only one where he comes home content. Feel free to email anytime you have questions or need someone who 'gets it' to listen.


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