Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Dressing Modestly so as not to tempt Teenage Boys...

Dear Girls,

Your body is a temple, it is also a major distraction and temptation to every heterosexual male within 10 years of your age group.  We don't want our dress or actions to drive them into a life of pornography or premarital sex (gasp). You should...

*Dress modestly,
*Keep your boobs covered,
*Wear padded bras so you don't nip out and allow them to see things they shouldn't,
*Never wear a cross strap bag or purse as the strap holds your shirt tight to your chest,
*Don't wear tight clothes or revealing hemlines,
*Never act in a way that would cause them to become sexually excited.
and the list goes on.

These are all tidbits of advice I received as a teenage girl.  A bit misguided.

For a while I agreed with the camp who preached girls may dress as they please, society should teach horny boys to control themselves.  Their thoughts, words, and actions are their own responsibility and the consequences of the actions are their consequences.

But then I realized something else.
Yes, men should be held responsible for their thoughts, words, and actions.  Girls are NOT guilty if a guy is horny.  They can't control him or his thoughts.

BUT she can recognize that there are creepy jerks (those are my nice words) out there who refuse to care about the damage their actions may cause.  Men are stupid, especially when they are thinking with their southern hemisphere.

I teach my girls to dress modestly, to keep their (future) tata's and ho-has covered.  Well covered.  But I don't teach them to do this so as not to tempt the opposite gender, but to protect themselves.  because I am not oblivious to the sexual dangers of this world.

My daughters are NOT responsible for a young man's lustful thoughts or actions.  But  they are responsible for making choices that are more likely to lead to a safe outcome.  My safety is MY responsibility.  I don't trust horny boys to properly read a situation.  I know girls who have made poor choices, choices that did not include having sex, but a stupid boy assumed that's what her choices meant. These girls readily admit that the damaging situation could have been avoided had they made better choices in PROTECTING themselves, in putting themselves in safe situations.

By teaching my daughters to choose safety, (including modesty and personal defense techniques), I am EMPOWERING them, teaching them that they do have control over their safety.  My goal is for my daughters to learn that they, and they alone are ultimately in CONTROL of their life and their body.

  The Mean Mama


  1. Absolutely!!!! There have to be a give and take on this discussion it's not allll the girl's fault, but it's not all the boy's fault either. As the mother of a future teenage son I would hope girls would try and cover up around him, but I also have to teach him how to respect women!!

  2. Yes! and our boys are also on a strict course to ALWAYS respect women. Even my 2 yo gets a time out from his daddy if, during a tantrum, he hits me. Its awesome, he'll be in my arms flailing, but if one of those tiny hands makes contact my husband grabs him and takes him to his room for a chat.


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