Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Defining Beautiful

I am driving home from my holistic practitioners office, we'd worked through some EMDR for some pent up negative experiences with important people in my life and since he is a friend our ours we talked more about needing to release control and enjoy creative flexibility when life throws us curves.  My life is often unpredictable as I have 7 schedules to work around, and even the best laid plans are frequently disrupted by a SWAT call out.

As I am driving down my road I think to myself, wouldn't it be a wonderful symbolic moment if the mare in the neighboring pasture has her baby today?  Birth, new beginnings, fresh starts.  I have been so anxious watching this mama struggle and labor for the last few days.  She was so heavy with foal that she struggled to walk.

As her favorite spot in the pasture came to view I noticed she wasn't there, I scanned the rest of her field quickly before coming back to her favorite spot, she was there, she was just laying down! and the front hooves were visible through the amniotic sac.

I stopped the car, jumped out, went to check on her, she looked at me with that look that any woman who has every given birth can recognize.  I stroked her head through the fence.  "you are doing a good job mama, keep it up" I fumbled for my phone, hands trembling to text the owner, but their phone number wasn't saved in my new phone.  I texted their daughter.

 "baby is coming" 
 "our baby?"
"My dad is on his way!"

I hope her teacher recognizes this moment is important enough to interrupt class.  
I know she was toe tapping nervous anyway!
Even though she lives and breathes horses she is still crazy about them.   I think that's one of the reasons I like her so well.

 and so I watched as this new life entered the world.

It was interesting, this animal that looked a great deal like a horse, but also like a deer.  The amniotic sac clinging to its body, I am going to be completely honest, it was a little bit hard for me to see this obviously mammal creature through the amniotic sac and some remaining fluid.  The baby kicking its legs, already so full of life and only half born.  Mama is older, she rested and caught her breath.  Once the head was free of the sac you could see her features as individual features instead of just a head, her little nose and  mouth working to clear fluid.  Her eyes closed, fur so wet that they almost blended into her face.  Slowly this little creature began to take shape. Wet fur drying, graced by a rare moment of sun.  She tried to get up, but being born is hard work.  Mama went to her, started cleaning her.  I was impressed with how soft her hooves and even her bones appeared.  No way she would ever stand on those!  but she did, not well, but well enough to get up.  I need to go check on her again, not that she needs checking on, her mama has more babies than I do!

I was snapping pictures, recording moments for my kids to watch when they get home.  They have been so excited.  Especially MG.  I thought about texting photos to everyone I know.  Such an exciting thing I was witnessing.  I was checking my phone just in case the daughter of the owner texted.  I got a text from my sister,

And I stopped, had I sent a picture of this new baby and not realized it?  To what beauty was she referring?

Then I remembered, my brother, who sends regular picture updates of his under construction house, had sent a group text of his house earlier in the morning.  Except my phone doesn't do group texts so I get random individual  responses that come in throughout the day and I have to back track to see what comment fits where.

She was referring to a house.

and so my morning of emotional clearing, birth, and new life came to a very huge "AhHah" moment.  We have entirely different definitions of beauty.  Neither is right, neither is wrong.  They are just different.  I am different than my family.  I need to learn to accept that and embrace it.  They may think I am weird, even tell me so.  But I need to realize that I define life differently than they do and learn to embrace it.  Life is beautiful, its time I soak it all in.

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