Friday, March 6, 2015

What is it with Divorce?

In the last 4 weeks 5 couples in our circle of peeps have announced their intent to divorce.   Not sure if the rapid increase of divorce is a sign of the rapid  decline in society or just part of the age and stage of life we've (hubby and I) reached. We married young so until a few years ago our circle of peeps included lots of single people and lots of newly weds, not a good circle for a high rate of divorce.

Four couples are the result of an affair, the fifth is, by my observation, the result of communication issues. And really, affairs are the result of communication issues anyway. 

I feel blessed to have a beautiful marriage.  I want to share the secrets to a successful marriage, I want to share my experience of the pain divorce causes children.  I want to point out that they aren't going to find happiness elsewhere. I want to scream and slap some sense into them. But sadly there isn't anything I can do.  Not one damn thing.

And that is depressing.

I wish there was a way to help these couples before its too late.  But we live in a society of lies and false appearances.  A society where morals are collapsed and if it isn't your story to share we use it as vicious gossip, or worse, we keep it to ourselves, even though sharing it could help.  We live in a society that even when we see trouble, feel it, sense it, recognize it years in advance, we do nothing... because it isn't our business, what if we say something and offend them with our concern (gasp)?

I have adopted the practice of speaking truth.  When I see behavior changes indicative of something wrong I actually ask the person what is wrong, and I allow them to respond with truth.  When people ask advice in a situation in which I have more experience (ie: whats life like with 5 kids?) I speak the truth, because sugar coating the answer sets them up for failure or disappointment or discouragement.

The other thing we do is give all young adults we meet one simple piece of advice. "Take a class on interpersonal communications, and when you find you future spouse, have them take it as well"  I sincerely believe that marriages could be saved by this simple investment early in our lives.

And those are my thoughts.


  1. Fair enough. That is such a great set of pointers. Relationships aren't as simple and clear cut in real life, especially among adults who tend to worry about other stuff, such as fuel, mortgage and job security; not to mention child support. Those are things that factor in marriage life, as well as the eventual divorce. Not to say a divorce is wrong or right, though it is certainly influenced by larger forces and conditions in a society, where being a couple can be an added weight into fairly troubled times. It just always depends. In any way, thanks for sharing that! All the best to you!

    Joanne Krueger @ Kurtz & Blum

  2. I am not sure how to respond to your comment. It reads as though I am a child with little life experience, which is not accurate. I do know that I feel sadness for what seem to be a bleak outlook on marriage.


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